well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
