Jerry, you need to find god
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
