dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
