her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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