i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
