Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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