So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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