Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
