Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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