She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
