She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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