So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
