Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
