i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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