He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize