I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
