There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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