Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
