So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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