so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
