marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
