Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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