Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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