Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
try to milk me bitch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
