wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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