My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
