Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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