i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
