she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So much rum. So many feels.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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