I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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