I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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