I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
