I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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