We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
