somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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