kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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