There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry about my life...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
