i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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