Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize