Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
