i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
