why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
