dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
