So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please come you make the beer taste better
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
