I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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