peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
