My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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