He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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