Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
