dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
