remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude. I can hear the air.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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