sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
