i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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