she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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