I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
