Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
