You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
