I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
