When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
