Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
