Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
