Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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