There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
