Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
