Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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