May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize